So I rented "Life is Beautiful" last night. It was great. Even tho Guido was a bit eccentric, he gave life his all with an incredible childlike mischieviousness. Whether or not it was purely fictional, his mind set is something I've been missing.
When I crawled into bed after the movie I noticed I had a text message from a friend, and that my phone said "80% txt full". So I decided to delete some messages. I had quite a few, some silly, some needed...
my last message which would have been my first was from Jan... it said, "Thank you! Everything is going great!"
It was the last message I ever got from her. Two weeks after she left, I was walking and saw something funny, I pulled out my phone to txt her and realized I couldn't. Seeing that message last night after watching that movie, made me think she had created a game for her friends as her gift. Now Jan never played games, she told it like it was. What I mean is that she didn't let on fully to those around her how sick she really was. I could see it sometimes, and I wonder if she knew I knew, or did I play the game well enough? I think she wanted people not to worry about her, to be able to live her life as she did before she got sick, to just live her life. We often talked about how lucky we were in life, we never took that for granted.
So, Jan's gift to me...
she taught me how to stand up for myself, that it's ok to say the things that are necessary in life, because I don't say or do things maliciously. She was always telling me I was too forgiving, that it was ok to be angry, it was okay to let yourself feel. Actually feel it, don't dismiss it... as I often did. To wear tighter shirts and shorter skirts...this lesson I didn't always follow thru very well on.
I miss her lots.
11.22.2006
below
are old ramblings of mine.
I used to ramble a lot and send out emails. Theres more somewhere.
So if your bored, read on.
I used to ramble a lot and send out emails. Theres more somewhere.
So if your bored, read on.
things I see - december 13, 2004
wow, so this rambling has started out completely different than I had expected. While I was starting to write I got an email from a friend, that yet another what was thought of as a true love married couple is splittin, and it's gettin messier than first thought.
I had started this ramblin w/the thoughts of sharing what I saw on sat afternoon and so I shall.
I was drivin along 21st street in Ghent. I saw a very beautiful couple, very hip and elegant. They were smiling, running across the street, and talking as they moved. I was at a stop light for awhile, so I continued to watch them.They started strolling down the street looking at each other. You know that look you may have been privy to see a few times in your life...complete and utter envelopment with each other. They stopped and started kissing, and they didn't stop. It wasn't a gross get a room type, it was very seductive, passionate, gentle. I giggled some as I sat in my car watching, because I was such the voyeur. But what I was getting from these two people was a feeling of hope. That feelings like that do exist, and not just in books or movies. I've seen it in real life a few times. Now mind you, I am not unrealistic. I am sure they have their moments of grating on each other nerves, and maybe their life is not as stunning and hopeful as what I was allowed to glimpse. But it was for that moment, and I was very glad to have been part of it even tho they had nary a clue.
I had started this ramblin w/the thoughts of sharing what I saw on sat afternoon and so I shall.
I was drivin along 21st street in Ghent. I saw a very beautiful couple, very hip and elegant. They were smiling, running across the street, and talking as they moved. I was at a stop light for awhile, so I continued to watch them.They started strolling down the street looking at each other. You know that look you may have been privy to see a few times in your life...complete and utter envelopment with each other. They stopped and started kissing, and they didn't stop. It wasn't a gross get a room type, it was very seductive, passionate, gentle. I giggled some as I sat in my car watching, because I was such the voyeur. But what I was getting from these two people was a feeling of hope. That feelings like that do exist, and not just in books or movies. I've seen it in real life a few times. Now mind you, I am not unrealistic. I am sure they have their moments of grating on each other nerves, and maybe their life is not as stunning and hopeful as what I was allowed to glimpse. But it was for that moment, and I was very glad to have been part of it even tho they had nary a clue.
The Cock and Bull...things i see - january 20, 2004
This weekend I took a road trip up route 13 to my grandmother’s house in Newark, Delaware. I have ridden/driven this road since 78’, in many different groupings of family. Mostly it was my brother, mother and I going up to visit my grandparents. This weekend it was Sophie and I going up to help pack up my grandmother, and get the house ready to sell.
It was a kickin day. We saw many things along the way. When I first experienced this road there were maybe 5 places to stop and pee. Now you can stop every 10-15 min. American progress every where, almost… There were still those houses that are smaller than a car, the ones that look like you could blow them over making a birthday wish. Still a lot of the old gas stations, some of my favorite old buildings and some new sites mixed in with the old.
The first was the Shrimp Dancer. She was at a corner gas station, with a truck, sign read “Fresh large shrimp.” They were large. Mighty large. And she was seductively dancing while shaking this large shrimp at cars passing by. It was beautiful...
So I’m driving and I realized that this was yet one more major change in my life. All the surroundings had changed and I was kinda going into this philosophical discussion thing in my head about life, relationships, and opportunities that present themselves, you know the deal. When I come to a stoplight and look over and see an old familiar, yet always strange site. “The Cock and Bull”, a family dining experience. Now this restaurant has been there since I can remember, in the middle of, not much. So your thinking and…
Picture if you will, a very large, freestanding sign. On it is an image of a cock (the male chicken kind) dressed in a red vest, sombrero, huge shotgun, feet kicked up on the table leaning back on 2 legs in a chair. Now the bull was decked out Pancho Villa style, and they are throwin down shots of Tequilla. Ya, it’s great. As a young child I always wondered about it. This day it made me laugh even harder and feel not so alone. Not to be outdone, across the street is a tugboat sunk in concrete. This is the “Nautico” a seafood and Italian restaurant. But 10 feet away from this boat sunk in concrete is a lake. Never made much sense either.
About an hour or more down the road I see another family friend. E. B. Warrington’s. Classic Cars For Sale…The dude has always had cool cars in a show room, and parked outside in the grass.
So then I drive by Poynter’s Motel. It’s one of those cool old mom & pop places, about 8 little rooms. I start laughing because I ended up there one nite after throwing a rod thru the engine of my parents car. It’s maybe 10 at nite, and some guy helps push the car into the motel. Called my dad to come get me. He had to drive 4 hours. So I meet Dick and Mary. This older couple living above the main quarters of the motel, in a really small really HOT apt. So hot I can’t stay awake. I remember they were from NJ, retired, and had bought a race horse and just moved down to make money off the horse races at Dover Downs. The world-series was on and they were totally enveloped by it, yet cordial enough to offer me a cake if they would have had it. I think of them sometimes and wonder if they ever made the money they hoped for.
I make it to grandma’s, and there’s the for sale sign in the yard. The house really hasn’t been the same since my grandfather died. And I guess I haven’t been either. Harold. He was such a great man! I realized one of the most important things about him was that he treated me like a person, not just a granddaughter/girl. He was a carpenter and he used to teach me how to use his tools. My favorite was the lathe. He used to drive fast down winding roads, and always take my brother and me for ice cream.
Anyway, on the way back I see lots of things but again it’s just what the? is this doing here.
In the middle of nowhere, being semi blocked by a large truck is a billboard with a large picture of Kermit the Frog. Yes, good old green Kermit. The sign reads “ Eats flies, Dates a Pig, Hollywood Star. Live Your Dreams…
The sun is on its way down as I hit the Chesapeake tunnel. It’s perfect. The moon is very robust, and the sunset is phenomenal. The red is very warm and sensual, and it is swirled across the sky. Sophie says “Hey mom the sun is kissing the water.” And she was right, it was. It was a great visual to experience. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing a red moon rise above the mountains a few weeks back, the sunset on the west coast as the moon rose while Mars and Venus were prominent in the night sky. Oh and watching Mars from the balcony as it crossed over a 4 hour time period. All with really cool people, thanks…
It was a kickin day. We saw many things along the way. When I first experienced this road there were maybe 5 places to stop and pee. Now you can stop every 10-15 min. American progress every where, almost… There were still those houses that are smaller than a car, the ones that look like you could blow them over making a birthday wish. Still a lot of the old gas stations, some of my favorite old buildings and some new sites mixed in with the old.
The first was the Shrimp Dancer. She was at a corner gas station, with a truck, sign read “Fresh large shrimp.” They were large. Mighty large. And she was seductively dancing while shaking this large shrimp at cars passing by. It was beautiful...
So I’m driving and I realized that this was yet one more major change in my life. All the surroundings had changed and I was kinda going into this philosophical discussion thing in my head about life, relationships, and opportunities that present themselves, you know the deal. When I come to a stoplight and look over and see an old familiar, yet always strange site. “The Cock and Bull”, a family dining experience. Now this restaurant has been there since I can remember, in the middle of, not much. So your thinking and…
Picture if you will, a very large, freestanding sign. On it is an image of a cock (the male chicken kind) dressed in a red vest, sombrero, huge shotgun, feet kicked up on the table leaning back on 2 legs in a chair. Now the bull was decked out Pancho Villa style, and they are throwin down shots of Tequilla. Ya, it’s great. As a young child I always wondered about it. This day it made me laugh even harder and feel not so alone. Not to be outdone, across the street is a tugboat sunk in concrete. This is the “Nautico” a seafood and Italian restaurant. But 10 feet away from this boat sunk in concrete is a lake. Never made much sense either.
About an hour or more down the road I see another family friend. E. B. Warrington’s. Classic Cars For Sale…The dude has always had cool cars in a show room, and parked outside in the grass.
So then I drive by Poynter’s Motel. It’s one of those cool old mom & pop places, about 8 little rooms. I start laughing because I ended up there one nite after throwing a rod thru the engine of my parents car. It’s maybe 10 at nite, and some guy helps push the car into the motel. Called my dad to come get me. He had to drive 4 hours. So I meet Dick and Mary. This older couple living above the main quarters of the motel, in a really small really HOT apt. So hot I can’t stay awake. I remember they were from NJ, retired, and had bought a race horse and just moved down to make money off the horse races at Dover Downs. The world-series was on and they were totally enveloped by it, yet cordial enough to offer me a cake if they would have had it. I think of them sometimes and wonder if they ever made the money they hoped for.
I make it to grandma’s, and there’s the for sale sign in the yard. The house really hasn’t been the same since my grandfather died. And I guess I haven’t been either. Harold. He was such a great man! I realized one of the most important things about him was that he treated me like a person, not just a granddaughter/girl. He was a carpenter and he used to teach me how to use his tools. My favorite was the lathe. He used to drive fast down winding roads, and always take my brother and me for ice cream.
Anyway, on the way back I see lots of things but again it’s just what the? is this doing here.
In the middle of nowhere, being semi blocked by a large truck is a billboard with a large picture of Kermit the Frog. Yes, good old green Kermit. The sign reads “ Eats flies, Dates a Pig, Hollywood Star. Live Your Dreams…
The sun is on its way down as I hit the Chesapeake tunnel. It’s perfect. The moon is very robust, and the sunset is phenomenal. The red is very warm and sensual, and it is swirled across the sky. Sophie says “Hey mom the sun is kissing the water.” And she was right, it was. It was a great visual to experience. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing a red moon rise above the mountains a few weeks back, the sunset on the west coast as the moon rose while Mars and Venus were prominent in the night sky. Oh and watching Mars from the balcony as it crossed over a 4 hour time period. All with really cool people, thanks…
the nite began-august 25, 2003
with the putting on of a street light. For those of you who don't know, i have the tendency to put out street lights. Now you can verify this thru Ed Gartin, as he has been a witness to such.
But last nite.......as i drove by an off light it came on. Now I can't will these lights on and off, it just happens as i approach. Last nite i was having good thoughts. real good thoughts. i have noticed when negative thoughts abound, is when the lights seem to go out more frequently.
I was on my way to the studio to leave a brilliant idea. I ended uprunning into harriet and robert, and watched very kool pics of their vaca. I then proceeded to claim a new inky press poster for myself. the sadness of the evening came when i asked what was happening to the photo lab. I was told there was no silver. ok, so i am old fashioned. i like the old procedures, there is something zen about them. ya i'm like that, that's why i prefer to think of myself as a printmaker. i am capable of the 20th century, i mean my day job is web page design.
So i then proceeded to the "research group" at the speak-easy.
thank you to all who was there. It's been a long time.
I was given "Notes to Tabby" on a piece of paper was written......
1} When in CA do as they do, not as they say.
2} Call your daughter every day
3} Don't become a vegan
4} Don't vote for any a them freaks...except for Don Novello
5} Breathe deep and smile
6} Sunshine should always make you happy
8} What springs eternol is near... (and yes this is the way it was numbered)
71/2} "Watch " for meaningful moments in time
7} Run fast if you see "the Terminator"
I noticed that out of 8 people i believe only 2 were wearing a watch.....
But last nite.......as i drove by an off light it came on. Now I can't will these lights on and off, it just happens as i approach. Last nite i was having good thoughts. real good thoughts. i have noticed when negative thoughts abound, is when the lights seem to go out more frequently.
I was on my way to the studio to leave a brilliant idea. I ended uprunning into harriet and robert, and watched very kool pics of their vaca. I then proceeded to claim a new inky press poster for myself. the sadness of the evening came when i asked what was happening to the photo lab. I was told there was no silver. ok, so i am old fashioned. i like the old procedures, there is something zen about them. ya i'm like that, that's why i prefer to think of myself as a printmaker. i am capable of the 20th century, i mean my day job is web page design.
So i then proceeded to the "research group" at the speak-easy.
thank you to all who was there. It's been a long time.
I was given "Notes to Tabby" on a piece of paper was written......
1} When in CA do as they do, not as they say.
2} Call your daughter every day
3} Don't become a vegan
4} Don't vote for any a them freaks...except for Don Novello
5} Breathe deep and smile
6} Sunshine should always make you happy
8} What springs eternol is near... (and yes this is the way it was numbered)
71/2} "Watch " for meaningful moments in time
7} Run fast if you see "the Terminator"
I noticed that out of 8 people i believe only 2 were wearing a watch.....
A Little Rascals Summer - august 23, 2003
The Little Rascals, what a strange and inventive escape.
I always dug the adventures and shows they put on.
Even put a few shows on and charged admission myself as a young child.
Most everyone I know can reference a show and everyone has a favorite.
I named 2 of my cats Butch & Darla.
The names actually fit the cats personalities very well.
For me it's part innocence that seems to be lost as well as the fact you seldom see many children playing outside anymore. Not to mention the under-use of imagination.
But............
this summer has been a Little Rascals summer......
It all started with the chasing of the ice cream man.
Sophie and I have done this since she was about 3, now 5.
She was smart enough, or maybe it was Pavlov conditioning, but as soon as twilight hit she would want to go for a walk. It took me a couple o times to catch on. so we would go for a walk, and then we would hear the ice cream man and go in search of.
This year we are in a different neighborhood, but the ice cream man is still there. So I'm on my way home from work, and I hear him then I see him, and i think of "chasing the ice cream man." I get home and Sophie's crying, cause Grandma & Grandpa have no clue as to the importance of the "man." So I grab her and we chase him down, and get our prize.
The next adventure begins with waiting for "fireflies" to appear. They finally make their appearance and every evening we are outside running around trying to catch as many as possible. We always let them go and say thank you and good by.
One day I'm driving through the neighborhood and there's 2 little girls selling lemonade, and i wondered if they had made any money. But it didn't really matter because the fact that they were sitting on the side of the road selling lemonade was what really mattered, or at least to me. And no i didn't stop to buy any, not sure why.
A week or two later, same neighborhood, I see 2 boys riding their bikes oblivious to the heat.
One boy has a huge fishing net that had a huge... fish in it.
I laughed and thought how cool it was that they had caught it without poles, and imagined a little rascals scenario.
Another day we played in the puddles after the rain, and later we drove around looking for the ever elusive end of the rainbow.
Most nights end in a water balloon fight and or dancing with spark-a-lers.
I went home for lunch today and found Sophie in costume.
I loved it.
I encourage the wearing of costumes at home and most places we go.
I'd wear them more often if i could get away with it.
The finale...
As I'm on my way back to work, and pondering my Little Rascals summer, a red Cardinal flies in front of the car.
And i know it's not over yet................
I always dug the adventures and shows they put on.
Even put a few shows on and charged admission myself as a young child.
Most everyone I know can reference a show and everyone has a favorite.
I named 2 of my cats Butch & Darla.
The names actually fit the cats personalities very well.
For me it's part innocence that seems to be lost as well as the fact you seldom see many children playing outside anymore. Not to mention the under-use of imagination.
But............
this summer has been a Little Rascals summer......
It all started with the chasing of the ice cream man.
Sophie and I have done this since she was about 3, now 5.
She was smart enough, or maybe it was Pavlov conditioning, but as soon as twilight hit she would want to go for a walk. It took me a couple o times to catch on. so we would go for a walk, and then we would hear the ice cream man and go in search of.
This year we are in a different neighborhood, but the ice cream man is still there. So I'm on my way home from work, and I hear him then I see him, and i think of "chasing the ice cream man." I get home and Sophie's crying, cause Grandma & Grandpa have no clue as to the importance of the "man." So I grab her and we chase him down, and get our prize.
The next adventure begins with waiting for "fireflies" to appear. They finally make their appearance and every evening we are outside running around trying to catch as many as possible. We always let them go and say thank you and good by.
One day I'm driving through the neighborhood and there's 2 little girls selling lemonade, and i wondered if they had made any money. But it didn't really matter because the fact that they were sitting on the side of the road selling lemonade was what really mattered, or at least to me. And no i didn't stop to buy any, not sure why.
A week or two later, same neighborhood, I see 2 boys riding their bikes oblivious to the heat.
One boy has a huge fishing net that had a huge... fish in it.
I laughed and thought how cool it was that they had caught it without poles, and imagined a little rascals scenario.
Another day we played in the puddles after the rain, and later we drove around looking for the ever elusive end of the rainbow.
Most nights end in a water balloon fight and or dancing with spark-a-lers.
I went home for lunch today and found Sophie in costume.
I loved it.
I encourage the wearing of costumes at home and most places we go.
I'd wear them more often if i could get away with it.
The finale...
As I'm on my way back to work, and pondering my Little Rascals summer, a red Cardinal flies in front of the car.
And i know it's not over yet................
11.21.2006
today
was like the day I walked into a music store and discovered that vinyl had been replaced by cds.
and I asked ... "what are cds? "
or the day I discovered that Village Thrift was just gone
No moving address just gone
simple things that bring joy just gone
and its confusing or at least for me
and I asked ... "what are cds? "
or the day I discovered that Village Thrift was just gone
No moving address just gone
simple things that bring joy just gone
and its confusing or at least for me